Streaming Life Energy:
A Positive Birthing Experience

by G.M.

While it is usually only early traumas which we relive in primal-oriented type therapies, some of us during regressions are able to tap into the transpersonal realm of experiences. As you might suspect, the "transpersonal" goes beyond one's personal biography into unbelievable "spiritual" experiences. These happen primarily in Holotropic Breathwork, Rebirthing, psychedelic therapies and other modalities. The author of this article had her experience during a Rebirthing session.
During my 30 years of self-primal regressions to very early biographical material, I have only accessed such realms of consciousness on one occasion. That one event was a very clear hallucination of being crucified on a Christian cross.
However, I have, during each of the two holotropic breathworks I attended, also accessed such material. Interestingly, both the single transpersonal self-therapy experience and the holotropic breathwork experiences entailed religious themes. During the first workshop of breathwork in New Orleans, I had a unitive experience with God as creator of the world with clear hallucinatory elements. The second, in New Jersey, was a literally hellish event lacking the visuals but not the feelings of being, well, of being in hell. [Also see A Perinatal Interpretation of Frightening Near-Death Experiences: A Dialogue with Kenneth Ring by Dr. Chris E. Bache]
-- John A. Speyrer, Webmeister, The Primal Psychotherapy Page

I have four children and all of them were born in natural births, without any anesthesia. Although some birthing mothers have remarked that their giving birth was somewhat orgasmic, I have never experienced any kind of orgasm during my deliveries.

But when I first primalled my own birth through a Rebirthing kind of therapy, I did experience something like a huge and never ending orgasm. It happened right after I had gone through most of the therapy session, first primalling my birth and all those horrible feelings of loneliness, of neither being heard or seen by my mother, nor by my doctors and nurses.

There were a number of negative aspects of my own birthing experience: The coldness, the blinding light and more than anything, the presence of a feeling of being invisible, completely invisible to others, because I felt that nobody could understand what I was feeling. In addition to those discomforting feelings, no one seemed to understand my plight so I felt bereft of any rights to be cared for but also felt that I was not even being seen.

At the same time, I was also feeling dizzy and nauseated by my mother's anesthesia. The therapy session had taken place almost 40 years after my birth but I could still smell the anesthesia !

After I saw myself being placed into an incubator, I started both feeling and seeing a wonderful energy. Two very thick rays of golden light were coming into my body; each were about 3 inches thick. One was going in through my solar plexus, or right under my belly button, and the other one through the top of my head. It felt as though the rays of light energy were going around and around inside my body and then going out through my vagina.

It was as though a huge curtain of light had wrapped and encased the the entire world, all while I was having this huge non-stop orgasmic feeling, something like I had never experienced before. At the same time, I possessed a very deep awareness of how this was an expression of my true inner power, the power of love, and that it was something that nobody could take away from me, regardless of what the circumstances in my life would become in the future. It felt that this was true because it was the true power of being a woman.

I had never experienced such a powerful and wonderful feeling and I was fully aware at that moment that this was my true loving essence. This feeling and this awareness had accompanied me all along my healing journey to remind me of what I truly was. It is this awareness which has sustained me through all the painful moments of my healing journey and of my life circumstances.

I believe that this is something that all babies can feel, and perhaps we all could have gotten to see and feel this energy when we were born, but have forgotten it. Rather, perhaps, we have suppressed the memories of it, for it is just too painful to feel.

Perhaps, its the repression of the outside world and the way we may have been wounded, which disinhibit the perception of this light energy. I feel that this sensual and sexual energy is the very Energy of Life, which is what Wilhelm Reich described in his work about the Orgone.

Such repressed bioenergy is in all humans and the true reason why there is so much repression around sexuality in most individuals and in society as a whole.

I feel that this also might be the reason why some religions such as the Catholic Church repress it as well, regarding it as something evil to be fought against and hidden in the darkness of our unconscious. This condemnation of all things sexual is engaged in to the point of having doctrinally declared that Mary to be a perpetual virgin and in so doing denying the power and the very sacredness of this energy of life, as if it was something evil - something to be ashamed of, instead of enjoyed and celebrated..

Thus, Christ, it was declared, had been born without anyone having experienced this very natural, wonderful and sacred process of sensuality and sexuality.

These feelings of shame and denial of our human nature are also a way of re-staging the feeling that there is something wrong within ourselves because we are sexual and sensual beings. Because we can feel and enjoy that energy, very early we got the message through the repression of our Life Energy, that it was wrong to enjoy it and thus we ourselves were somehow guilty of its presence.

The history of the Catholic Church reveals that it was mostly revolved around repressing, hiding and suppressing this Life Energy. Even though it permeates our life the Church seems to be ashamed of this energy through all of its prohibitions concerning sex and birth control.

I feel that it's very possible that a woman can experience this wonderful energy while delivering a baby, because giving birth is such an amazing and powerful experience that could well open up those deeply buried memories concerning our Life Energy.

The liberation of all that repressed energy, possessed by newborns would scare our repressed adults. I feel that most parents would be fearful encountering the very energy that they were forced to suppress in themselves, which can be expressed in such a natural way in their babies. The dread, in turn makes them suppress these feelings in their own children, through emotional and physical abuse so they won't be reminded of their own terrible loss.

Unfortunately, any type of anesthesia makes this Life Energy impossible to feel.

Our present-day obstetrics is designed by hospital policies and procedures to repress and suppress this energy, to keep the wonderful memories of it forgotten, and to avoid remembering the loss of this experience.

This happens in pregnant women and in doctors alike. Both desiring to repress those memories and keep them from coming up into the surface of our awareness and thus most birthing mothers want to be asleep and not participate in this remarkable life creating force.

Watching a baby being born is such a powerful experience that most doctors because of their own births want to control it through using anesthesia. Thus the birthing mother need not move a single muscle to remind them of what they have lost - their birthright to feel their own Life Energy.

I have the feeling that we may actually repress many of our happy moments, because in order to recall them, we would have to remember the very painful ones as well.

Ever since I had this amazing feeling of my own powerful Life Force when I was born, I have felt that all babies can see and feel that energy, that amazing inner power at birth. Sadly, most of us repress those memories and thus the awareness of how powerful and loving that energy truly is, because of our many layers of trauma which slowly add up to the first and most painful of all traumas that most of us experience at birth, that lead to the repression of these memories, until we totally forget about it.

Being in a love relationship can trigger within ourselves this energy and we can prevent ourselves from awakening to this amazing awareness of our own inner loving power, triggered by the huge fear. The fear can actually be terrifying like a blinding light and we may end up repressing these memories from ever arising again.

This amazing experience happened to me right in the very first session of reliving my birth. I had had a glimpse at my birth, just for a moment in a previous regression during a bioenergetics session. At that time I saw a long red tunnel, that made a slight turn at the end, where I could see light entering. I intuitively knew I was in the birth canal.

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