by John A. Speyrer

"If guided with kindness and understanding, the schizophrenic experience could
become a transcendental journey of death and rebirth toward a new,
more positive meaning in life."

-- Peter R. Breggin M. D. Toxic Psychiatry

"Madness need not be all breakdown. It may also be break-through.
It is potential liberation and renewal . . ."

-- --R.D. Laing

In autobiographical literature, by individuals who have experienced psychotic breakdowns, one occasionally finds recountings which illustrate the full release of repressed memories. Invariably, these spontaneous re-livings of infantile and childhood traumas erupted during a personal crisis in the biographer's life.

One such writer was Lara Jefferson, who in, These Are My Sisters (1952), poetically describes her dark night of the soul and subsequent liberation through a spontaneous deep feeling episode while a patient in a mid-western psychiatric hospital during the 1940s.

Jefferson's experiences were of an intense transcendental nature and are also an example of mystical experiences during a psychotic episode. Kenneth Wapnick, in Understanding Mysticism used her writings for this purpose. His article, "Mysticism and Schizophrenia'' is contained in this anthology.

Lara Peterson's primal/mystical re-experiencings of repressions on a psychotic ward of a mental hospital at age 29, resulted in such improved functioning that she was soon released from the institution. Hoping to find more material than Wapnick quoted, I went to the source of his material, Peterson's, These Are My Sisters (1952), and the quotations (reproduced with permission) are from that source.

* * *

In her desire to reassure those readers who one day would also confront the origins of their psychosis as she had, Lara Peterson wrote:

Remember, when a soul sails out on that unmarked sea called Madness they have gained release, much greater than your loss --and more important. Though the need which brought it cannot well be known by those who have not felt it. For what the sane call `ruin' -- because they do not know -- those who have experienced what I am speaking of, know the wild hysteria of Madness means salvation. Release. Escape. Salvation from a much greater pain than the stark pain of Madness. Escape -- from which could not be endured. And that is why the Madness came. Deliverance; pure, simple, deliverance. . . . Nothing will stay it -- there is nothing that can hold it; nothing with the power to deter it when it sweeps out to pursue its destiny through the dim caverns of itself. . . .I have felt it sweep me and take me -- where -- I do not know (all the way through Hell, and far, on the other side; and give me keener sense of feeling that the full edge of reason has) - still, I have no way of telling about the things experienced on that weird journey.

Lara Jefferson's ward physician told her that unless she learned to think differently, she would become incurably insane. Knowing that forcing herself to think differently was impossible, she realized that the job of avoiding the descent into complete insanity was totally her own. She seemed to know intuitively, that to get well, she had to feel what lay behind her mental suffering. She knew that she could not

. . . escape from the Madness by the door I came in, that is certain -- nor do I want to. They are dead -- past, -- the struggles of yesterday. Let them lay in the past where they have fallen -- forgotten. I cannot go back -- I shall have to go onward -- even though the path leads to "Three Building''-- where the hopeless incurables walk and wail and wait for the death of their bodies.

But go back she did. Perhaps, she reasoned that by facing the problem, she would "lose insanity in madness and find a sound mind on the other side.'' Finding a pencil, she began writing down her self-progress which helped to keep her from slipping further into psychosis.

One day, thoughts of her mother came to her mind, and things her mother

. . . had often said lashed again across my memory. . . .I heard her voice, filled with cruelty sneering, "You poor ungodly thing." . . . And that I had given her such pain because I had not fulfilled all of the beautiful things she had planned for me. . . . I wondered if she were having any delight in knowing that at least I had fulfilled the contempt she held for me when I had failed. I hated her with a fierceness I could not control -- had I wanted to. It raged through me with such intensity it seemed I had lived up to a great destiny in fulfilling that much of her expectations. I shrieked out, before I realized there was no one to take the message; that I wanted her to know before she died of old age that at least one seed she had planted in my very babyhood had taken root and grown; that as she had never been able to see anything but failure in her other efforts, I wanted her to take great pleasure in this one -- for she had nurtured it more carefully than the other things.

All my human fear of pain and death and loss of reason was drowned in wild exultation. I stood upon the brink of everything I had ever feared and knew it did not matter how far into any of them I fell.

As her symptoms worsened during confinement, she became more convinced that release from her mental anguish lay in confronting her schizophrenia head-on and not by defending against it. She thus began a five day period of attempting, as she put it, to fight madness with madness. As she continued feeling the sources of her mental illness, she felt as though something was about to explode inside herself.

But Lara Peterson feared the results of feeling her internal pain and requested that she be placed in a straitjacket. It required three pleading requests, each followed by intentionally bizarre behavior, before her request was granted, but with her shackeling in the straitjacket, Peterson felt safe enough to let down her defenses completely.

Her doctor chided her for giving up so easily and requesting a straitjacket, but she did not
. . . feel the ridicule, for she was a soul stretched on a rack in a hell very far removed from all ordinary living. The opinions of those whom I had left did not reach through to me -- I was too far away. And I do not know whether I was courteous or rude to him. As far as I was concerned his significance had ceased. I lay stretched in the humiliation of the thing which had happened.

So the monster was out and the ghost of some old beserker ancestor rose up within me and suggested that I could do something about it, and the fierce hatred exalted that it had possessed itself of a massive and powerful body. . . . And once the great Madness in me found a voice, there was no stopping it. It rolled out in such a tumult I was amazed at it myself; wondered where it all came from. It seemed obscene and terrible that I should answer in adult language, things said to me in my childhood. Things I had forgotten, until they again began to pour about me in the flood of bitter memories. Even incidents I remembered clearly came back so warped and twisted they seemed like evil changelings. . . . I felt so much better that I had at last found the courage to look and see things as they were (not camouflaging them in the rosy light of a meaning they did not have) that I wanted to shout and sing. That voice was reason making a last desperate stand, but it was just a shadow and had no power to check the things I was feeling. . . All my human fear of pain and death and loss of reason was drowned by wild exultation. I stood upon the brink of everything I had ever feared and knew it did not matter how far into any of them I fell. . . that wild thing within me stood erect and laughed peals of laughter not good to hear. . . So the last connected and coherent thing in my thinking gave way -- and the Madness filling me rejoiced. Because at last there was nothing to stay it, it shouted and exulted with a noise that tore my throat out, charging through me till it nearly dragged the life out of me. Part of my mind stood there and took in the whole situation, yet could know nothing about it. The thing that was raging did not seem wrong to me then -- but the rightest thing in the world -- a magnificent accomplishment.

After five days, her feeling episode seemingly over, her restraints were removed, and she was soon discharged feeling better than ever.

She wrote, "Every nerve and fibre in my whole body registered the effect of what I had been through. My whole chemistry had changed. Truly I was a different person."

* * *

"When analytically adjusted psychiatrists have recognized that the content of the
psychosis is 'cosmologic,' we need not avoid the next step, that of analysis of
cosmology itself, for then we shall find that it is nothing other than
the infantile recollection of one's own birth projected on to Nature."
-- Otto Rank in The Trauma of Birth (1929)

Another early explorer of the region of acute psychosis or rather of spiritual emergency was Anton Boisen. He was a forester, minister and language teacher and believed that there is an important relationship between acute psychotic reactions and resultant transpersonal experiences. This became apparent to him in 1921 when he was confined in a state mental hospital. He felt ". . . that certain types of mental disorders and certain types of religious experiences are alike attempts at reorganization.''

When the experience is "successful,'' Boisen believed that it is recognized as a religious experience that can transform one's character. When "unsuccessful,'' it becomes known as insanity. He wrote in, The Exploration of the Inner World:

. . . (T)o be plunged as a patient into a hospital for the insane may be a tragedy or it may be an opportunity, and believed that his experience led him ''. . . to look with favor upon Jung's idea of a racial unconscious as the hypothesis best suited to explain the facts not merely in my own experience but in that of the patients with whom (he had) been working.

His writings, and the writings of those whom he interviewed, placed more emphasis on transpersonal consciousness than did the writings of Lara Jefferson.

Boison writes that "the disturbance came on very suddenly and it was extremely severe. I had never been in better condition physically; the difficulty was rooted wholly in a severe inner struggle arising out of a precocious sexual sensitivity dating from my fourth year. . . With the onset of adolescence the struggle became quite severe. It was cleared up on Easter morning in my twenty-second year through a spontaneous religious conversion experience which followed upon a period of black despair. . . . Then came a love affair which swept me off my feet and sent me forth on the adventure which has resulted in this book."

Apart from the paragraph above he does not detail exactly what caused his mental breakdown, and feels it "wise" to not give more personal details. However, based of the frugal information given above, those of us in regressive-type therapies can easily surmise the source of his breakdown. Boisen mentions that he "failed to make the grade" with the object of his love. After nine years of "wandering," he was hoping that he would become "reinstated with her. . . ."

In 1920 such a "reinstatement" did occur. The disturbance followed shortly after by . . ." feelings of world catastrophe, followed by environmental and natural resources shortages. The presence of forces of evil were made known to him. He felt terror. Time became compressed.

During hospitalization, he came to the conclusion that many of the problems of the mental hospital clients were "because of . . . religious and psychological aspects" which must be recognized before they can be treated.1 Soon thereafter, he was to become the first mental hospital chaplain in the United States. Boison, p. 15.

About his "delusions," he wrote,

. . . (T)he experience at the Psychopathic (hospital) seemed to me that of passing through all the stages of individual development from the single cell onward. At the same time I seemed to be passing through all the stages in the evolution of the race. [See, on this website, A Personal Experience in Primal Therapy by Bernadette Murphy] I was carried back to the period of the deluge, back to the age of marshes and croaking frogs, back to the age of insects and also to an age of birds. I also visited the sun and moon and . . . I even roamed all around the universe. My conscious self was indeed down in the lower regions at the mercy of all the strange and terrifying phantasms which were to me reality. It was a terrific life and death struggle in which all accepted belief and values were overturned, and I did not know what to believe. (Boisen pp. 115-116)

After his terrifying but eventual redemptive exploration of his "inner mind,'' psychosis and its relationship to mysticism became a profound interest. He began devoting much time to a study of others who had also experienced such a life-changing experience.

Images of re-living the evolution of one's forebears, living prior lives and episodes of astral projection were common experiences described in his book. Recounting the story of James G., Boison quotes him as having written: "I had a vision and it seemed as if I could see way back to the beginning of all creation. I could see the evolution of man up to his present being.'' (Boisen, p. 168)

Boison also writes about Albert W., who lived earlier lives during his "psychotic" break.

"At one time he had been Jonah. He had also been St. Augustine. And he had been Christ.'' But he also took trips beyond the earth's confines. "During his severe disturbance he thought of himself at times as roaming around the universe. (Boisen, pp. 20-21)

Boisen believed that

. . . a critical study of the inner world of thought and feeling and volition, as it is revealed to us in the great crisis experiences, when the results, for better or for worse, of the individual's experiments with life are being unfolded, may also contribute something to our understanding of man's nature and destiny. (Boisen, p. 192)

Boisen wrote:

Most persons in these periods of crisis feel that their eyes have been opened to unsuspected meanings and possibilities in their life. The so-called "normal'' range of vision becomes for them inadequate and superficial. . . . Equally common were ideas of death and nullity. . . . Their eyes had been opened so that they could see back to the beginning of all creation. They had been first one and then another historic character. Some even thought of themselves as passing through the various stages of animal evolution. Several thought they were journeying all around the universe, visiting Mars, Saturn and the moon. . . (Boisen p 193)

* * *

Whether these intense feeling experiences described by Peterson, Boisen, and others had lasting benefits is not known. Unfortunately, information is not available as to the quality of life the various subjects enjoyed after their discharge from psychiatric hospitalization. However, it is known that Boisen suffered one relapse into psychosis but shortly thereafter returned to good health.

The transpersonal and other deep feeling experiences encountered during the active phase of psychosis are usually one-time occurrences brought about by extraordinary depths of despair. It seems that the one-time breaking down of defenses with resultant insights is not sufficient to allow continued access to the material which was the source of their mental illness. The author of Mysticism and Schizophrenia, writes that "there is nothing in the reports of recovered schizophrenics to suggest that once having freed themselves from the pathological patterns of their pre-morbid living they continue to explore those inner experiences that had previously overwhelmed them.'' (Wapnick)

Such a one-time lowering of defenses is to be distinguished from primal therapy with its continual returning to the fount of repressed feelings over a long period of time accompanied with the methodical lowering of defenses. This gradual reduction in defense levels over time allows the primaler to feel his repressed pain in a self-governing measured amount. Perhaps this explains why continued access to the overwhelming pain which triggers psychosis, does not occur to those who have made an initial foray, either real or symbolically, into their childhood and birth traumas. Often, it is not until the very end of primal therapy, after many years of feeling lesser hurts, that the more severe and intense infantile and pre and peri-natal traumas become accessible.

In primal therapy, according to Arthur Janov, it takes approximately six months before the patient's defenses are lowered enough to permit automatic spontaneous regressions into one's storehouse of primal pain. Janov calls the time after this period, the "point of no return'' and from that period on, believes that it is merely a question of allowing the repressed feeling material to connect to consciousness whenever it is triggered or whenever it arises of its own accord. This time period is actually quite variable, as some highly defended individuals may require a much longer period to reduce defenses sufficiently to allow for natural and automatic access.

In my own case, with my first primal, I had begun a course from which I could not turn away even if I had so wished.

* * *

Another regression-based psychotherapy is Stanislav Grof's holotropic breathwork(tm) This therapy combines rapid breathing with feelingful music to access birth, infantile and childhood repressions, as well as transpersonal experiences. My belief is that in holotropics the lowering of defenses is not systematically done in a gradual manner and for this reason continued voluntary and automatic access of one's repressions are uncommon. In fact, in this therapy, clients are discouraged from attempting to access their repressed material on their own.

The transpersonal episodes of evolutionary biological recapitulations, prior lives, and out-of-body experiences described in Boisen's The Exploration of the Inner World, are typical of the material which experiencers often explore in holotropic breathwork, but much, much rarer among primalers. Occasionally, primalers will access this material.

However, I believe that this access is the result of an inordinate reduction of defenses with a resultant flood of unconscious material. This commonly occurs with the ingestion of large doses of psychedelic drugs or in holotropic breathwork. I believe that the massive reductions of one's defenses in breathwork therapy do not reduce defenses in an orderly fashion, and therefore holotropic breathwork, unlike primal therapy, does not lend itself to be a do-it-yourself project (Speyrer). However, Stanislav Grof writes that the material which is felt is the material which is next-in-line to be felt. He writes that this choice of material is an automatic process.

* * *

One mystic about whom much has been written and who was psychologically examined (although superficially) was Madeleine Le Bou.

Pierre Janet, a contemporary of Freud, in his last book, The Anguish and the Ecstasy (1926) wrote an interesting case study of Madeleine, a patient who combined aspects of schizophrenia, transpersonal experiences and mysticism. A short but interesting recounting may be read in The Birth of Neurosis by George F. Drinka, M.D. Much of the material in this article is from that source and from Adolf Holl's The Left Hand of God.

Janet was a psychologist at the Saltpêtière, a charity hospital in Paris where Madeleine became his patient in the 1890's. Although she had many bizarre symptoms, he compared her to prominent church mystics, such as the Curé d'Ars and St. Teresa of Avila. Early in life she devoted herself to God and often was lost in long reveries. Believing her family too rich and an impediment to her spiritual aims, she had moved to the slums of Paris where she could devote her life to helping the poor, the sick and the dying. She had spent nine years caring for a woman dying of cancer and felt that period of her life was the most satisfying. Arrested after spending the night on a park bench, she had been unjustly accused of stealing, begging and prostitution.

At the Saltpêtière she confided to Janet her crucifixion and assumption (as the Virgin Mary) fantasies. Similar to St. Francis of Assisi, she also displayed slight stigmata - as the wounds of Christ were manifested on both her feet and hands. Enduring periods of agonies as well as ecstasies she would often stand transfixed motionless for an entire day, not eating, drinking, sleeping or performing bodily functions.

At times Madeleine felt that she had accomplished a unitive fusion with God. Her descriptions of such experiences were similar to those of Theresa of Avila:

"She swung rapidly back and forth between imagining herself consumed in a pure union with God and seeing herself entwined in a sexual liaison with the God-man Christ. She confided to Janet: 'My being is drunk with divine kisses. Ah, if I could communicate to you what I have experienced. . . . I have just passed a night of love and madness. Yes, it is true, God has made me mad with love . . . cascades of tenderness which drown me. Do not let me think that I only dream. I feel that I truly love God in all manners . . . I could say to God: Lord, you wish to make me die of love. My heart is too weak for the torrents which you spell in the spiritual goodness of the Church, the principal virtue of the holy person is in the purity of his body parts just as the strength of Samson resided in his hair.'" (Drinka, pp. 352-353)

During her ecstasies she was transported to important times in Christian history as she became the great historical personages themselves. "She took on the role of Christ in the womb of Mary, and then she was the Virgin Mary herself, pregnant with God. Then, she was Jesus born in the manger, Mary holding the child. Back and forth - God, woman, lover, sufferer - the ecstasies flowed from moment to moment." (Drinka, p. 353) The power of the body/mind relationships reveals itself as when Madeleine's breasts grew heavy with milk around Christmas-tide so as to feed baby Jesus. (Holl, p. 199)

Apart from religious manifestations, she experienced many out-of-body experiences and as some mystics who proceeded her, enjoyed astral projections to the netherworlds of the universe. She saw new planets and new suns opening before her eyes. She witnessed the apocalypse, was aghast at the world being annihilated, and felt the earth being unredeemable.She describes her ability: "What an indescrible pleasure it is to keep moving with your feet off the ground, the imagination cannot impart the sweetness you feel when you can fly all over in this way." [Holl, p. 188]

"I seem to be careening through the air, traversing space with the swiftness of the wind . . . I climb to the top of precipices in a moment, I descend into valleys, then upward again." She confided to Janet that she was so happy that she never wanted to be cured. She was able to taste sweetness, to smell "satiny perfumes" as every sensory organ of "her body was enraptured with volumptous pleasure . . . ." So intense were her feelings that they could not be described. (Drinka, p. 353)

Some of these pleasures were described by her to Janet, but their recountings were later expurged by him and never published! [See my review of Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil, by Jenny Wade, Ph.D)

One day she was ecstatic the next, wretched with misery. Her "dark night of the soul," which all mystics seemingly are called on to endure, ". . . were the periods of torture, of melancholy, of soul-searching and self-doubt." (Drinka, p. 354) During those times she suffered unbearable pain. She began to believe that she was dammed, that she was hated by God and like other mystics sometimes felt that her pleasures were merely tricks of the devil.

In an attempt to cure her, Janet often pointed out how her catastrophic predictions made in letters to French officials had all come to naught - that they were merely her delusions. In vain, Janet tried to teach her his agnosticism, his sense of reality and his belief that a good God would not permit the evil which exists in the world.

With time, her manias and depressions came into a subdued equilibrium. Although she remained a devout Catholic for the rest of her life, she experienced far fewer ecstasies and depressions. Discharged at age 47 from the Saltpêtière in 1904, after a six and one-half years stay, she began living with her sister.

While hospitalized she had written Janet daily letters and after discharge she continued the correspondence on a weekly schedule continuing this practice up to, and during the First World War. Janet was surprised that Madeleine never reminded him that she had prophesized "blood in the streets" of France, as that war had become known as "the greatest catastrophe in recorded history."

Pierre Janet believed Madeleine's weird delusions were amazing symbols, but in spite of the enormous amount of time he spent in listening and talking with her, his efforts were no more than talk therapy in an attempt to convince her that his view of reality was more rational and reasonable. It is doubtful if he had ever helped her mental condition other than having the role of an attentive friend.

Holl (see references) writes of many incidents of mystical origins beginning with Judaism and extending to the time of Frederick Nietzche. Whether the happenings are those having to do with religiously spiritual material, or psychiatrically induced occurrences, the author has no conclusions to make, and describes them as the work of the Holy Spirit expecting the reader to distinguish between the two based on their own personal interpretation.

As mentioned, one subject of Holl's panoramic study was also Pierre Janet's patient, Madeleine Le Bou. Like many of the women mystics of the Middle Ages, Madeleine, was also anorexic. And like some of them she was also a stigmatic, that is, she bore the wounds of the passion of Christ. Janet believed that the sources of "nervous loss of appetite" had its origin in very deep psychologically repressed material. [See A. Janov's, Imprints: The Lifelong Effects of the Birth Experience p. 265 and Ecstatic Stigmatics and Holy Anorexics: Medieval and Contemporary by S.K.Farber.]

On occasion the Church did not know how to respond to these mystics, especially the female ones. Some had been frauds; some were persecuted. The sacraments of the Church could not compete with the mystical experiences of God. Holl also writes that, during the Middle Ages, "(m)any of these female virtuosos of divine intimacy voluntarily became beggers and wandered over half of Europe; others lived under the roofs of women's refuges." ( p. 189.)

The origins of the material used in the hallucinatory visions of the mystics are explained by Adolf Holl as ". . . the images that the painters and sculptures of the time included in their repetoire." p. 199 [Also see Farber's comments about this matter.]

Some psychotics resent the episodes of clarity which sometimes intrude into their lives. Nobel mathetician prize-winner, John Nash, Jr. was quoted in his biography, A Beautiful Mind: "Rational thought imposes a limit on a person's concept of his relation to the cosmos." Probably more than one founder of a religion have echoed that sentiment.

1Dr. Frank Lake, in his monumental work, (1282 pages) Clinical Theology, A Theological and Psychiatric Basis to Clinical Pastoral Care, (1966), wrote of the potential of the short-lived psychotic paranoid attacks, of the type that Boisen experienced, on one's spirituality. "I have myself been in close contact with several patients during psychotic episodes which became, for them, times of transformation of personality in an entirely beneficial sense. What seemed to be a disintegrating and shattering loss of sanity proved to be part of a more massive integration of hitherto repressed and unacceptable memories of infantile terrors of psychotic intensity. In the inscrutable economy of the spiritual order, those whose courage and power of being has been enhanced so as to make the endurance of even psychotic experience possible, become thereby 'stablished, strengthened and settled' as they never were before....The psychotic episode may leave behind it a more constricted personality and a more peculiar and dissociated and pseudo-mystical pattern of religious life. (pps. 999-1000)

"In the course of his own therapy sessions, one of Jung's colleagues, the Prague psychiatrist Stanislav Grof, came across those same collective, prototypical images that Jung called archetypes. At first Grof worked with LSD, then with hyperventilation or accelerated breathing. By these means, participants are able to reach an altered state of consciousness and to experience once again the trauma of their birth, with all the anxiety and trepidation that accompany the unborn child as it makes its way into the light of the world.

Grof expressly mentions apocalyptic visions in his account of the various images that are sighted on such a journey. Dragons, for example, may appear, or angels and devils in deadly combat, right up to the final release from all anxiety, with a great deal of light and radiant colors, as in the last two chapters of John's Apocalypse, where the bride of the Lamb comes down from heaven in the form of a golden city with twelve pearly, glittering gates.

Grof makes no sharp distinction between psychotic disturbance and mystical ecstasy. He simply accepts the ability to integrate one's experiences into everyday life as the boundary line between a clinical and a religious episode. According to Grof, the "transpersonal" sphere includes both saints and madmen. This conclusion is theologically acceptable too."

-- Adolf Holl, The Left Hand of God: A Biography of the Holy Spirit (1998)


  • Boisen, Anton T. The Exploration of the Inner World, Harper & Brothers, New York, 1936.
  • Drinka, G. F., M.D. The Birth of Neurosis: Myth, Malady and the Victorians, 1984.
  • Holl, Rudolf, The Left Hand of God: A Biography of the Holy Spirit, 1998.
  • Peterson, Lara These Are My Sisters, Double-Day Book Company, New York, 1952.
  • Speyrer, John A. Primal Feelings Newsletter, "From Primal to Holotropics and Back'', Summer, 1995.
  • Wapnick, Kenneth "Mysticism and Schizophrenia" from Understanding Mysticism edited by Richard Woods O.P., Doubleday and Company, New York, 1980.

For other articles on this subject, see on this website, The Psychology of Mysticism