The internet has made the primal pschotherapy world more into a village and Pat Törngren, who lives in South Africa helps, on a daily basis, to turn that village into a friendlier neighborhood. Because of Pat's efforts, those of us interested in primal-oriented regressive therapies have discovered an easy way to contact and support each other. She has almost single-handedly established the Yahoo Primal Support Group and sustains this internet group by giving generously of her time by always being there supporting others. The group is , as she describes, ". . . a place for sharing and for getting in touch with our own pain to resolve it."
(In the material below, the Pat shares her feelings and state of mind on the Yahoo Primal Support Group. Usually, this sharing of feelings as they begin seeping from the unconscious mind into consciousnes facilitates their feeling and begins the resolution phase of primal therapy - John)Thursday 8th December 2005:
PAT (Cape Town, South Africa) 21.06.40 GMT
Just wanting to post with what is happening for me right now. I seem to have very early stuff coming up. At least I think this must be something very early, but I haven't got into the feeling yet, so I can't get relief. Just feel desperate and hopeless.
I am writing to the group in the hope that 'putting it out there' will help me get to the feelings. But the feeling inside is that even this might be a mistake. . . It might also make everything worse. . . Then there will be nothing left. . . .
Not going to do anything tonight about anything... Will just go to bed and lie very still and wait for it to pass. . . Mustn't do anything. . . Mustn't move. . . Must stay very still. . . No matter how bad things get, mustn't do anything to try to make them better. . . Always makes everything worse, till it gets so bad there is no worse left. . . Just total annihilation. . .
Thank you for listening.
[Pat's upbeat "thank you for listening" close belies the real anguish and pain (psychological and physical) she is feeling as she shares this material with the members of the group. What Pat was feeling above was not her early birth trauma but the triggers in the present of that early suffering. - John]
I hear that you're feeling paralyzed right now and that it feels really bad. How does it feel having written in to the group? Were you able to latch on to anything? Wishing you well in 'moving forward.'
(David's remarks are that he is there and supports her. His remarks to her acknowledges her suffering and shows an interest in whether or not she has felt the feeling which is attempting to reach Pat's consciousness - John).
Thank you so much for responding, and for caring. Julia (near Bristol, England) saw my message too and called me to say she could give me half an hour on Skype.
So I was able to talk my way into the feeling, which was, "I am so little, and they are so big, and I am so helpless."
(With the use of Skype, Julia was able to be physically present and hear Pat as she was "saying" the material quoted above. I'm assuming that Pat did not call me for support via Skype because her feeling was happening when I was sleeping - S. Africa is 9 hours ahead of Louisiana - John)
That went into baby crying, which went into feeling I was suffocating (stuck in the birth canal and needing to get out, because I needed to breathe).
That, in turn, went into full body straining to get out. It was physically painful and was working very hard. But my mother was so very much bigger than I was.
If I so much as moved a hand, it set her off; if I moved a foot it set her off (crushing me to death). I needed to do something to get out, but everything I did made it worse not better.
So the connection is, "I want to do something. I need to do something. I have to do something, or I shall die."
That makes me desperate to do something, but whatever I do makes it worse, so much worse that it results in me being crushed to death.
So then, no matter how desperately I want to do something, I become too terrified, and then I become paralyzed.
I also become totally conflicted inside and swing between struggling to want do something, and collapsing in despair. Just made that connection now while typing. It makes so many things fall into place!"
[As a result of the primal feeling (unconscious material becoming conscious), Pat's mind becomes flooded with insights. - John]
So thank you David, and thank you so much Julia! I am still making connections, so I will just take it easy and let them happen.
I do feel a degree of relief. I'm going to go to sleep, and not worry about "to do, or not to do", until tomorrow. My love and appreciation to you both,
So clear - everything you wrote - expressed so well. If you do anything it just won't work, for safety its better not to - not do anything. The first time you tried it didn't work. Indeed, the situation worsened, so why try? Why try to make any effort? Nothing works. Just give up all hope and die.
(Here I reflected back to Pat what she had written to the Primal Support Group. I did not know if she had connected to the feeling or not, as Pat had sent me a copy of some of her PSG postings directly as e-mail messages - John)
Thank you for understanding. I think you grasped it very well.
Except that I desperately wanted and needed to make the effort. There was a huge drive to do that. At the same time, the fear of it making things worse, left me deeply conflicted. So it's not passive resignation. It's holding back the huge impulse to fight to live, by becoming paralyzed, as that is the only way to stop myself fighting like a tiger to get out (only it would result in my death!)
Right now I am exploring the tiger! :) She carries all my energy, and it's a part of me I want to integrate, and not have to stifle.
Thank you for always being there when I am in early stuff.
( Pat explains to me how she had been conflicted - that she was not in passive resignation to accept her death-in-the-birth-canal willingly. - John)
(The update explains how the material which had originally triggered her death feelings became automatically resolved as a result of feeling their "primal" origins. - John)
(Notice how Pat, regards the earlier problems, which before the primal feeling had seemed insurmountable. After the earlier feelings are seen through her primal lens they become trivial matters and are faced with complete lack of concern. After the pain, which was pushing the earlier feelings become resolved, the neurotic pain of death in the birth canal which was "pushing" the triggered feeling become automatically dissipated - John)
It all feels so different now. After decades of primalling, it still amazes me how different we feel inside ourselves, and perceive everything outside ourselves, after having had a primal. It's so much easier to act appropriately afterwards.
It also amazes me how little we really need to regress and feel our early traumas; just someone listening to us in a caring way, creates a safe space for us to feel our old pain, with the knowledge that, no matter what, they are there for us.